A Letter to Terry Jones or How to Get Rich Off 10 Tons of Stolen Bic Lighters

So if you have been paying any attention to the news at all lately, you may have read that a church in Gainesville, Florida (the state where white people go to get hammered on alcohol or into a coffin) is planning on burning some copies of the Quran. The Dove World Outreach Center is hosting an "International Burn a Quran" Day to commemorate the attacks of September 11, 2001.

This will inevitably be the worst fake holiday since the Kansas City Royals' "Free Exploding Kitten at the K" event of 1998.

I will give credit to the Dove World Outreach Center for having a creative mascot -- Dove Rambo, a flame-thrower wielding, camo-wearing dove who bares emotional scars from Vietnam.

Props to lead pastor Terry Jones (not the cross-dressing Monty Python member, but the cross-dressing Florida pastor) for taking a bold step out to do something different. Some churches gain members from publicity, so, ya know, old Terry gets an A for being the Howard Stern of Florida chapels. And while I don't doubt that Mr. Jones is A) out of his mind, B) a raging narcissist, or C) was Sam Elliott's stunt double in the Big Lebowski; I do find myself agreeing with him in one aspect.

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Let me make this personal statement first:

The Quran is bad. It's bad news bears. Now I'm not saying all Muslims are bad people. Many of them are very kind and polite and intelligent people. I'm sure that many of them are nicer and kinder than I am. But I am a Christian and I believe in the God of the Bible. I believe in a triune God. A three fold God of Father God, the Son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. And I believe that that same triune God inspired the Bible. I believe that the Bible, as confusing and hard to grasp at times as it can be, is perfect.

I believe the ideas of the Bible and the stories of the Bible are God-breathed and perfect. Now, this is the point where I say, this post is not about proving the Bible is true. So if anybody wants to argue, find another blog to read. That's not the point of this post. My point is coming down below.

I believe that the Bible is true and the Quran is fake. They can't both be true. If you believe both can be true at the same time then you need to leave your house, you probably have a gas leak. But again, this isn't to debate the Bible vs. the Quran.

"But does something you think is fake make it bad?" Maybe not always, but mostly. I believe God's goal in our lives is to draw us close to Him through Jesus Christ. The goal in life is to know God and to know Christ and to know the Spirit; to know them deeply and passionately. The goal is to love them and to be loved by them and then to share that love with others through telling people about God's love and by doing good works for people so that they may see that you have an uncommon love.

I believe that anything that seperates us from that--from the true God, Son, and Spirit--is evil and wrong.

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So, with my beliefs stated, Mr. Jones. I'll bite.

I'll take what you are selling. The Quran is bad. It's evil. It's distracting people from the true God. Let's burn the whole pile. All of them. I'll buy the gasoline even. My treat. But if we do that, then I've got some requests:

1. Lets stop at the movie theater. Every year millions of people go there to watch fake movies about fake people who live lives they wish they had. I believe that God wants us to live our own lives, with Him as a guide, and to not spend our days dreaming instead of actually living. Lets burn down the movie theaters. While we're at it, we'll burn down all of the Blockbusters and Redboxes. We don't want people hiding movies at home instead of living meaningful lives.
2. Let's burn down Coca-Cola and Pepsi. They put their pop machines in schools and sell their products to kids. So now all of our kids are out of shape and have horrible attention spans. I'm not sure if there's a direct correlation, but better safe than sorry. Burn 'em down.
3. Let's burn down the adult stores. Strip clubs, dirty arcades, adult novelty stores. They feed lust and give both men and women false ideas of who they really are. Burn it down. Oh, but while we're at it, we're going to burn down Wal-Mart. They have a women's underwear section that's in full view and they have posters of women in underwear. That's a bit much too. Oh and some gas stations sell nude magazines, but all sell hot rod magazines with latin women with fake chests on the covers. Burn 'em down.
4. Next stop: colleges and universities. Every one of them has a philosophy department where people can learn about atheistic worldviews. Burn it down.
5. Libraries. Unrestrained knowledge used for learning unbiblical teaching and feeding escapist fantasies. Burn it down.
6. McDonalds. See number 2. Burn it down. Then get IHOP, Baskin Robbins, Burger King, Sonic, all of them. Burn them all down.
7. The government has allowed a lot of freedoms to worshippers of other gods. They took prayer out of school. They allowed gay marriage. They make us wear seat belts and set speed limits -- neither are biblical. Burn the government down. Scorched. Earth.
   
8. Beaches. Men and women in skimpy clothes, drinking beer, and listening to awful music. Burn them down. Start in the Gulf of Mexico, the oil-soaked sand makes a good start.
9. Your flesh. Burn it. Burn it down--

Terry Jones: "Wait. What?"

Yes. Our flesh. Burn it. It's the cause of 100% of all the problems on the earth. Sin lives here.

Terry Jones: "No, sin lives out there. In Quran. In the porn shops. In the abortion clinics."

No. Sin lives here. In our hearts. In our anger. In our envy. In our pride. In our vanity. In our refusal to let God love us and lead us. That is where sin is. That is where the devil grabs hold and turns this world against God. Satan doesn't influence books and magazines. He influences writers and photographers and storytellers. Satan doesn't whisper lies to guns and knives, but killers and bullies. Mr. Jones, if you want to get rid of evil completely, this is where we start. What we don't need is to burn things or flip our world upside down. It's already upside down. We don't need to incite more anger and fear from those far from God. We need to love them. We need to pray for them. We need to realize that many of them are going in a wrong direction as many of us once were before.

Yes, Mr. Jones I believe the Bible is truth. I believe the Quran is false. I believe God is a jealous and loving God who wants to rid our lives of anything that may get in between us and Him. So are you trying to bring people closer to God or are you trying to make a name for yourself? Are you ready to serve out of humility as Jesus did or do you prefer to be American Patriot as Jesus wasn't?

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This Saturday, you will burn a stack of Qurans and no lives will be changed, only hearts hardened. You will burn 100 or 1,000 or 10,000 Qurans in blind vanity. I believe that somewhere, this Saturday, a man or woman who loves Jesus will enjoy a cup of coffee with a man or woman who doesn't. Maybe they will be Muslim or an atheist or Hindi or just undecided. They will sit and talk about faith openly and unashamedly and love each other, even at the bottom of their second cup.

You will have made a nice pile of ash. That person in the coffee shop will have helped make a real life change.