Tomorrow I turn 26 years old. At the very least, a quarter of my life is behind me. Surely, I can say my childhood is over. And while I'd have to check on this, I believe my adolescence may be over too. Starting tomorrow, I, for all intents and purposes, will probably have to start calling myself an adult. Further proving this, is the fact that I found a white--not gray, but snow white--hair on my head today during second service at Shoal Creek.
And even though I don't feel like I have anything useful to contribute to you, I do feel like sharing 25 things that I have learned (although not necessarily applied well to my life) in my first 25 years. And so, in no particular order...
1) Friends often come in seasons.
While I'm typing this, I've also got a web browser open and logged in to Facebook. For some people Facebook is a waste of time. For others, Facebook is a fun waste of time. For me, it's a reminder that I've lost touch with more friends than I'd like to admit. A lot of them played significant roles in my life during high school and college. I never planned on losing touch with them, but that's just how it goes sometimes. Another bittersweet reminder that sometimes we have little control over the direction of our lives and most of us are just bouncing off each other like balls in the lottery machine.
I hope that they are each doing well and that maybe I'll run into them somewhere and maybe have a chance for a cup of coffee and a chat.
2) No matter how old I get, I will always be afraid of the dark.
3) No child ever plans on becoming the villain.
I don't think Lex Luthor was evil at 5 years old. I don't think Blofeld was plotting to kill people while in daycare. I don't believe there are any Stewie Griffins in our world. I do believe that choices we make combine while we deal with circumstances we find ourselves in can greatly impact the direction of our life. I'll never want to hang out with a Stalin or a Hitler or a Dahmer -- but I can also never disregard the fact that in an earlier time they were just like me -- a child who wanted somebody to play with or wanted to draw a picture that a parent would want to put on their fridge at home. This leads me into number 4...
4) God didn't design caricatures, so I have to stop looking at people like them.
I think one of the greatest offenses I commit to a person is looking at them like a caricature. It's easy for me to look at somebody I dislike and only see what I hate. Likewise, it's easy to look at somebody I love and not see their flaws. I do not believe true love is blind. I believe true love is honest and fair taking in to account the whole person, not just the parts we want to see.
5) Don't let age differences get in the way of you learning something important.
God does not hand out wisdom on a seniority basis. Keep your ears open for what older and younger people may have to say. Weigh it carefully, but don't assume it will never hold any value.
6) Don't be numb.
Numbness is a trait loved by people who like to lie and people who are too scared to face their fears. I have to relearn this often, but it always ends up being truth. When I get hurt or offended and decide to just let it slide or to numb out and occupy myself with something else, I lose an opportunity to see God show up big: both in ways that could heal me and in ways that could convict me of how I fail to love.
7) Learn how to say what's on your mind.
We lose a lot of great ideas because people were too [fill in the blank] to speak up about thoughts, ideas, dreams, or concerns. Likewise, when I fail to say what I'm really thinking, I deny myself or another of a chance to grow and mature spiritually and to really get the most out of life. Most of us hold so much inside, that we've forgotten how to let any of it out.
8) Telling somebody that "the grass is always greener on the other side" should earn you a kick in the face.
While there is truth in that statement, I think it becomes a cop out. How many times have you been confronted with an unfulfilled dream or desire to hear that the "the grass is always greener"? What if I were a parent and a couple were sharing with me that they found out they can't have kids on their own and that they don't make enough money to adopt? Should I tell them that "the grass is always greener"?
Likewise, as a single person, I've had many of my married friends tell me in a joking way, "don't get married, wives are crazy." Now I've yet to stab any of my friends with a sharp object, but I've thought about it.
9) "Cool" equals a short shelf life.
High school was wasted with fads in clothes, music, shoes, and car stereo equipment. This is what I've seen. If you don't want to partake in a certain fad, wait 8 months when it changes again. Oh, and that thing you like that nobody in high school likes? People will love it in college.
10) Metabolism is an evil, deceitful thing.
11) Be careful when taking dating advice.
There is a ton more bad advice about dating then there is good. Everybody wants to give you dating advice and they all are convinced they have good advice. Nobody is qualified to give you dating advice. Especially me. The best way to test dating advice is to sit on it for 3 years; if it still sounds like decent advice, then try it out.
12) Don't cut your cigar too close to the shoulder.
I can't tell you how many times I've ruined a perfectly good cigar because of this.
13) Choose one week out of the year where you will ditch your cell phone and your computer.
It will be the worst case of withdrawals for some of you. But after the first day, you will feel better. And after a week you will wonder why you were so attached to those things to begin with.
14) Learn to forgive people that break your heart.
Many of you have exes you wish would get hit by a bus. I'm telling you you that grudges were never God's desire for us. Yes, you got hurt. And they may never apologize or ask for forgiveness. Give it to them anyway. Wish them well. Pray they walk close to God and are blessed. Your heartbreak is usually akin to a child crying because all they wanted to eat was desert for dinner and their wish was not granted.
15) Marriage may not be God's design for you.
Did that just take the wind out of your sails? It did mine when I first heard this idea. And honestly, that idea still hurts to think about a little. But, I believe it's true. For some reason, we all have it in our head that we all deserve to meet somebody beautiful, fall madly in love and live (more or less) happily ever after. God's biggest desire for you is not that you would find somebody to watch TV with every night or to help get you laid. His biggest desire for you is that you would find your life in Him.
16) Stop trying to keep up with the Jones's.
A bigger house will not make you happy. A new car will not make you happy. A thinner waste will not make you happy. There is always something else the Jones will have that you won't. Stop worrying about competing with them.
17) Not every night, but once in awhile it's OK to only get 2-3 hours of sleep on a school/work night.
Especially if it involves road trips, food, and good friends.
18) Read. Read a lot.
We are an under-read culture. When was the last time you read a book all the way through? If you don't read, try this: find a subject you are interested in and read 4 books about this subject in the next year. That's a book every 3 months and it's totally do-able. You'd be surprised about how many useful things are hidden in books.
19) Makes friends with photographers.
Then you will be guaranteed to have very few terrible photos of you.
20) Knock before entering bathrooms.
21) Confidence is like your missing keys.
The harder you look for it, the more impossible it seems to be found. I have spent much of my adult life trying to become confidant in who I am and so far I've discovered that I am the most confident in myself when I'm not trying to be and in the times when I'm not thinking of myself. Whenever you stop worrying about how you will perform and focus on just being there, you will start to inadvertently become more confident.
But as soon as you start to notice you are confident, it will disappear like a cockroach under a fridge.
22) Learn to listen, not just speak.
And don't just listen to the words coming out of somebody's mouth, listen to the way they say it. Watch their body language. Listen, not just to what they are saying, but seek to see how what they are saying is actually impacting their life.
23) Take time each day to sit and think.
No TV. No radio. No tasks. Just find a quiet place, sit, and think. And not this meditation crap either. Don't sit and hum. It's annoying. Just sit in the quiet and reflect. You'll be amazed what pops up in your head.
24) Learn how to celebrate.
Yes, sometimes life sucks. And if you are as crabby as me, you think life mostly sucks. But it doesn't. It's rough sometimes, but life has things to be celebrated. And as much as I hated that poster in high school that said, "Happiness is a path not a destination," there is some truth to that.
Now don't be a fake, happy person. That's annoying and will get you shot in some places. But learn to honestly and humbly celebrate the things that you have been blessed with: relationships, experiences, and even trials.
25) God is not something you learn about. God is someone to connect to.
This is the hardest lesson I've had to learn in my 25 years (and 6 years as a struggling Christian). I can't just read books about God, read my Bible, and listen to sermons about Him. I have to get to know him intimately and one on one. I have to continually learn to speak to God and to listen to Him. To continually strive to integrate conversation with God into every part of my day and not just into an educational time slot is a difficult, but rewarding thing.
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