My song lyric.

So if you hang around me long enough, you may find out that my favorite lyric to any song ever is by the band mewithoutYou: "Oh you pious and profane, put away your praise and blame, a glass can only spill what it contains."

If couples have "their song" than I, half as I am, have "my lyric". I don't remember the first time I heard it and I don't remember where I was when I heard it, but I do know that everytime I hear it, my guts get twisted and, depending how smooth I feel in life at that point, it can drive me to reflection.

Because some days I'm pious. I'm the good, little church boy that reads his Bible and helps out at church events and writes the weekly newsletter. I've crossed all my t's and dotted all my i's and have been the "upstanding citizen."

Some days I'm profane. I've decided to take a vacation from God. I've been lusty or drunk that day; I've gotten tired of trying to live the life that God dreams for me. Why? Because it's hard work. To live for something more than myself is too hard sometimes. Sometimes, I just want what I want--even if it would kill my soul.

Pious or profane. Hypocritical or apathetic. Sunny or blue.

"A glass can only spill what it contains."

I can only share with others what I let spill from my life. If you believe you can be selective with your emotions or motives when you share yourself with a friend, family member, coworker, you're lying. Nobody has that control. Too much of what's under our skin and in our hearts bleeds out in everything we do: our conversations, our ability to relate and our ability to affect the life of another.

The most important thing we can share with another soul is what we have in ours. So I ask myself, what am I spilling from my glass?

Lately, it feels like I spill a lot of pessimism. Which isn't hard to believe. I've been a deep-rooted pessimist since middle school; maybe earlier. If you hang around me for longer than an hour you learn that I'm self-deprecating, gloomy (under an exterior of a class clown), and not only do I see my cup as half empty, but there's a hair in it.

So as yesterday, when I heard this song, I had to ask "Today--or in the last month--what does my glass spill?"

Well, a glass really can only spill what you fill it with. So the next question has to be, "What am I filling my glass with?"

If I want to stop spilling cheap, red wine and staining my carpet, then I need to drink something else or learn to hold onto my glass better. And since I don't believe that any of us are capable of holding a steady glass...

When I remember the times when I actually gave them something good; when I spilled something wonderful instead of my bad attitude toward life...I remember that I was filling it with something that isn't quick.

When we refuel, we typically want to fill up quick. I don't want to sit at the gas station for 4 hours filling my tank. I want to be in and out in 5 minutes or less. But, in those times that I actually spilled something useful (love, patience, grace, encouragement) I was filling my glass with time spent with God. And spending time with God, building a relationship with Him, is like filling your gas tank with molasses or tar, it's a slow, slow, sloooow thing to do.

God isn't quick and easy. He's slow, purposeful, and deliberate. He wants to stare at the trees with you for an hour before He says a word. He wants to speak and be heard in a quiet, compassionate voice. He requires great patience from us because He's trying to teach us that the great things in life take time.

So what is in my glass these days? Bitterness. Envy. Sarcasm. I've been gifted with a tongue of fire and instead of using it as a light, I use it to burn the people I love.

I want to spill my glass one more time, get everything out of it, clean it, and start filling it with something that I won't find quick and easy--something potent and beautiful and poetic. I want to fill my glass with something that I can't put in there myself. Only God can fill a glass the way it should be.