J1: Earner to Heir

Over the next few weeks, I will be blogging along with Shoal Creek Community Church as it explores its extended series "The 7Journeys: Leaving Normal Behind." Please keep in mind that the things I write here are not necessarily the views of any sane human being. 

The first journey...Earner to Heir

When I first became a Christian back in college, I had a view of God that could be summed up like this: "There is a God. There is a heaven that is going to be much better than this earth. If I would like to see heaven, I better not piss off God too much."

That was about it. Christianity was less about knowing God and more about getting to heaven. Christianity was not a relationship when I first started following Jesus--it was a cookie cutter. 

That cookie cutter was in the shape of a Christian who could get into heaven. And if I wanted to get into heaven, I needed to fit into that cookie cutter. So I remember trying to do all of these things that would help me fit into that cookie cutter:

• Go to church every Sunday. 
• Read my Bible. As quickly as I could. Starting in Genesis (I think the first time I tried to read through my Bible, I got to Deuteronomy 6 and collapsed from an aneurysm.)
• Don't lust. 
• Don't swear. 
• Join a campus ministry and volunteer.
• Listen to a lot of Christian Acoustic Artists.
• Find a Jesus-connection in the theme of every film you watch.

It wasn't until I was a Shoal Creek intern (about a year and a half after I became a Christian) that it hit me that I wasn't into christianity for Christ as much as I was into it for rewards. 

See, I had made God a boss and was trying to meet the minimum requirements of that boss so I could continue my employment. I wasn't looking at God like I should have been, like a father.

Now, a lot of you shudder if I say God is our Father. Maybe you had terrible experiences with the man who raised (or failed to raise) you and so "God the Father" sounds less warm and inviting than "God the Supervisor." The best way I can get over that hump at this point is to just say this: Don't look at your own fathers and try to match those characteristics to God, but instead, take a look at God's relationship with Jesus. The Gospels, in addition to the many themes that run through them, hold in them the greatest father-son story ever told. 

The Gospels are the story of a Father and Son who share in triumph, sorrow, pain, and sacrifice. The Gospels are the story of a Father who molded his Son into a perfect man. The Gospels are the story of a Son who gave everything he had--including his life--to see his father's dream realized. 

Going from Earner (God is my boss) to Heir (God is my father) is very, very hard if you don't have a clear picture of what fatherhood is supposed to look like. Everybody will have a boss in their lifetime; few people will actually have a father.

A boss inspires me to work enough. A father inspires me to work harder. A boss gives me reason to hide my failures. A father gives me comfort in them. A boss can make me more efficient. A father can make me more complete. A boss can give me incentive to try harder. A father can let me be me. 

Now, back to my being an intern--it was during my summer at an intern that I learned this key fact: Nothing I could ever do and nothing I could never not do will make God love me any differently than He already does. There's nothing I can screw up and there's nothing I can accomplish that will set me apart in His eyes. 

God won't love me more if I am stronger or smarter. God won't love me less if I am weak or foolish. God won't love me more if I memorize the Bible. God won't love me less if I break down to the same sins every, single day. God won't love me more because of how much I am like Jesus. And God won't love me less because of how badly I fail to be like Jesus. 

The key thing in beginning to move from Earner to Heir for me was learning that--for some odd reason that makes absolutely no sense to me--God loves me as a Son. Not as a property. Not as a creature. Not as a christian. But as a Son. 

And just like the Prodigal Son from the Gospel of Luke, God mourns when I run away but rejoices when I come back. 

The more I learn how to be God's son and not just His follower or employee or student...the more I'll learn to relax as an heir relaxes.