Now whether you like Conan or don't like Conan, I think it's pretty fair to think that he was the victim of the biggest entertainment swindle since the infamous Montreal Screwjob. Conan had put in 16 years as the late-night follow-up to Jay Leno's Tonight Show and held his own in what was a dead zone time slot of infomercials, syndicated TV shows, and bad public access. And during that 16 years, Conan worked hard.
He fine-tuned his comedic style. He groomed a powerful cult following and surrounded himself with a brain-trust of some of comedy's best writers. Conan waited patiently and did his absolute best every-night (even when his best wasn't that good.)
Finally, Conan's work looked like it would pay off. Leno handed him the keys to the Tonight Show--the mecca of late-night TV. The Tonight Show was the land of milk and honey for comedic legends like Steve Allen, Jack Paar, Johnny Carson, Leno, and finally Conan.
Seven months later, as we all have seen it play out, Conan's dream was crushed. He had seen the promised land. He even got to build a little house on it. But the repo men came calling. Leno gets his second chance on the Tonight Show. Conan probably never will.
As I watched tonight's show, I kept thinking--how does that feel to have your fingers around your dream...to smell and taste and touch the thing you thought would be the pinnacle of your life--only to have it wrenched away from you.
And tonight during the closing minutes of O'Briens' final Tonight Show, before he took stage with Will Ferrell, Beck, ZZ Top and other musicians for a spirited rendition of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Free Bird"--he took the time to set the record straight with his audience:
"There has been a lot of speculation in the press about what I legally can and can't say about NBC. To set the record straight, tonight I am allowed to say anything I want. And what I want to say is this: between my time at "Saturday Night Live," "The Late Night Show," and my brief run here on the "Tonight Show," I have worked with NBC for over 20 years. Yes, we have our differences right now and yes, we're going to go our separate ways, but this company has been my home for most of my adult life. I am enormously proud of the work we have done together, and I want to thank NBC for making it all possible.
"Walking away from the "Tonight Show" is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Making this choice has been enormously difficult," O'Brien continued. "This is the best job in the world, I absolutely love doing it, and I have the best staff and crew in the history of the medium. But despite this sense of loss, I really feel this should be a happy moment. Every comedian dreams of hosting the "Tonight Show" and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. I've had more good fortune than anyone I know and if our next gig is doing a show in a 7-11 parking lot, we'll find a way to make it fun.
"Finally, I have to say something to our fans. The massive outpouring of support and passion from so many people has been overwhelming. The rallies, the signs, all the goofy, outrageous creativity on the Internet, and the fact that people have traveled long distances and camped out all night in the pouring rain to be in our audience, made a sad situation joyous and inspirational. To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I'll think about it for the rest of my life. "
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere," he concluded. "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Watching Conan tonight, you could feel that he sincerely had this huge sense of gratitude in him--even though things had turned sour.
It's hard to be grateful when you feel like you're heart has been broken, stomped-on, spat upon...It's hard to feel grateful when you feel like you've worked SO hard for something only to see it fall apart in your hands.
I remember the first time I had my heart broken by a woman. Looking back I can weigh it with a little more dignity and realize that maybe I was a bit of a jackass, but still--I remember that feeling. The feeling that all of my work and effort was all for naught. Hadn't I earned it? Hadn't I worked too damn hard for it to not succeed?
The answer is a resounding "YES." I hadn't worked hard enough for it. I hadn't earned it. And again, the conclusion must be that I can't work hard enough. I can't earn it. "Earner to Heir" isn't just an attitude towards Heaven or salvation--it's got to be an attitude towards life.
An attitude that says, because I can't earn anything--not love, not salvation, not the breath in my lungs or the shirt on my back--because I can't earn anything, the conclusion must be that I've been given everything.
I try to look back at those girl-inflicted heartaches with a bittersweet gratitude now. Yes, the heartache sucked, but I really don't regret any of the time I spent with them. I got to peer into the souls of some truly beautiful people and they lifted my spirits. For them and for what what heartache has taught me, I am grateful to God.
Everything is a gift from God. Sunsets. Breezes. Children. Laughter. Tears. Tragedy. Heartache. Success. Failure. Family. Health. Light. Music. Talents. Dreams. Longings. Hungers. These are all gifts from God and there is no way that I can earn any of them.
Therefore, I must be grateful. Grateful when I am given something from God. And since God creates all and it is solely His to give, I should be grateful for all. Even when it turns sour.
"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get."
And yet, we can still be grateful. Because even if our wildest dreams only last for a few months before they end, we should be grateful.
When I fail, be grateful--The opportunity to fail was a gift from God.Look for the things in everyday life that God has given you. Be grateful. I am not saying be a blind optimist who finds joy in gunshot wounds, those people are idiots...but be grateful. Take stock of all the gifts God blesses you with in a given day. We are truly spoiled heirs, but for some reason, God really does like to spoil His children.
When I succeed, be grateful--there's no way in hell I did it on my own, and God could have easily chosen for me to fail.
No matter who my friends are, be grateful--my friends aren't perfect and neither am I, so let me break bread with them.
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