This is MY time. (Not yours. Get your own.)

Is it just me or do we have an obsessive need to "own" time?

I mean, somebody can't ask me to donate some of my time to them or to their cause without me running through the thousand-and-one things that I could be doing with MY time other than giving it to...them.

And why should I give MY time to...them. They will waste my time with stories or furniture rearranging or a ride to the airport. I mean, who the hell are they? Do you know all of the other things that I could have done with MY time. I was gonna watch TV. Then I was gonna sit on facebook and wonder why I don't have more interesting friends (see: single, hot, female.) or why all the friends I do have are posting pictures of their kids or their dogs or what ever God-awful pasta dish they made for the community potluck. And then after 2 hours on facebook, I was gonna open my fridge, close it, open it again, close it, look in a cabinet, give up and then order a pizza.

But I can't do that if people keep invading MY time.

And then--like Tim Tebow's cranium to his own lineman's knee--it hit me...

WHEN IT COMES TO THE 24 HOURS I AM GIVEN EACH DAY, I AM A SELFISH BASTARD.

I have this horrific obsession with my time. It's like food that I've hoarded into my own private silo and I sit outside of it with a rifle--because surely, somebody will try to steal it--and I sit and I wait. And I wait. And I wait. And nobody ever really tries to steal my precious time that I've spent so much time hoarding and protecting. And finally, after days, weeks, years--I turn round and what is this?

It's gone. Maggots and birds have crept up behind me. The rain has soaked it and mold has ruined it. My time--MY TIME--that I worked so hard to protect...it's gone. It was wasted.

And that's what always happens with my time. I hoard it and I gaurd it and I think that because I had the good fortune to run into it, it's mine. I didn't grow it. I didn't make it. I really didn't even find it. It just somehow always seems to fall into my lap. And instead of being grateful for the time given to me, I am overtaken by greed for that time.

I could share it with others. I could be a good steward of that time and use it to do something productive. But you know what's really productive?

What I say is productive. Because it is MY time. It's mine. All of it. Every second of every hour of each one of MY days. And sadly, in that mindset, I will surely fail. I will surely drown.

But what if?

What if I didn't look at the hours, minutes and seconds as something I should fill, but something I should give. What if instead of being in a hurry to get my shopping done, I took the time to grab coffee with a friend? Or what if I used that time to serve somebody? What if I used that time to build new relationships or to repair old ones? What if I used that time to grow myself spiritually, physically, emotionally? What if I used that time to learn something new?

What if I took advantage of that time by actually living for once?

But I won't. I'll sit and wonder what I could do with that time...and then somebody will ask for some of my time...and then I will hold my breathe and pull my rifle tighter to my chest and continue to gaurd MY time.