The War Against Being Single. (An organized rant.)

*The following is neither aimed at specific people nor events, but at a trend that bothers me.*

I will start with two blanket statements"

• Single men and women are often some of the most bitter, selfish, and short-sighted people in the world today.
  
• Married men and women wish to see marriage spread like the bubonic plague in a genocidal attempt to eliminate single people from the planet.

Intro...

I am 24 years old and single. I have been single for my entire life with the exception of 2 weeks between my freshman and sophomore year of college and about a 4 week period the summer after I graduated college. I have many close friendships with people who are both single and married. I love the people in both of those social groups very much, but both can be aggravating.

Single People...

The problem with your average single person (Christian or Secular) is that they always seem to be emotionally driven when it comes to the idea of "Dating" or "Courting" a member of the opposite sex. To them, to them, dating is always the goal. A lot of their frustrations seem to be built around why they aren't dating, who they aren't dating, and seeing other people date. If you've ever been around single people at Valentine's Day, you may hear them refer to this as "Singles Awareness Day." This is the day of the year when the divide between Singles and "Couples" is the most visible. The next most visibly divide day would be Christmas.

By the way, if you are ever around a single person who refers to February 14th as Singles Awareness Day, feel free to point out to them that that attitude is precisely the reason they are single. That and their haircut.

Now, there is nothing wrong with sometimes feeling the loneliness that comes with being single. Especially around Valentines Day. That's normal and just means that you have a longing for a relationship. BUT, if you consistently point out the fact that you are single to everybody else or constantly have an us-them mentality when it comes to hanging out with Couples, then you are what Sociologists refer to as "Jag-offs."

The average single person believes that there is a war between Singles and Couples. (There is a slight truth to this, but not to the martyrdom perspective that some singles take it.) Single people find the differences in lifestyle between Couples and Singles alienating and often feel like a Single who becomes part of a Couple is a "sell-out."

You will hear a single say "Ever since [blank] started dating [blank] he doesn't have time for us." Usually the word "time" means sitting in the single person's basement or living room trying to think of something to do. The single person who "sells-out" is hopefully spending their time building a strong relationship with whomever they are dating so that they can begin to build the strong foundation of a loving family.

Single people also LOVE to talk trash about friends who are in couples. "So and so are probably fighting,"; "So and so is whipped," or "So and so can't hang out with us because he's being gay." These are usually said behind the backs of friends in couples.

Couples...

A few things need to stressed as I talk about couples so that I don't sound any more of an A-hole than I am:

• Marriage IS a beautiful thing.
• There IS a divide between singles and couples, but often for good reason such as prioritization of the family, time constraints, and the crucial importance of quality time with the spouse.
• Marriage should by no means be seen as the easy way out. It is far more difficult to keep a marriage strong than it is to live a life of singleness.

And now I get to rag on married couples...

Like I have said many times before, I believe marriage is a beautiful thing. I just watched one of my friends get married this weekend in a fantastic ceremony. So don't think I'm completely opposed to married people. I'm not.

BUT, I do believe both Married Couples and Un-Married Couples have an unhealthy attitude when it comes to setting their single friends up with other singles.

Because sometimes, "We want YOU to be happy," really means "We want to pacify you."

I wonder sometimes if being married isn't alot like watching The Ring. In order to get rid of your petty fighting, communication difficulties, or just lack of passion in a relationship, you have to get somebody else into a relationship and pass all those problems on to them.

I'm joking, but what I am trying to say is that nobody plays matchmaker until they've found THEIR match. You don't give anybody the winning lottery ticket unless you don't need it. So playing matchmaker is often less about "selflessness" towards your single friends and more about pacification or conversion.

1. When I say pacification, I mean that they want their single friends to stop being mopey and stop dragging the fun level of life WAY down.
2. When I say conversion, I mean that just the same way that Christians hang out with other Christians and White people with other White People, Couples like to hang out with other couples and Singles like to hang out with other singles.

Because whether you're a third wheel a fifth wheel or a seventh or thirteenth wheel, you just don't quite fit in. There is a reason they call them "odd" numbers.

Couples (Married or not) develop an addiction to wedding cakes and red roses and cuddling in car rides. And just like an addiction to alcohol or heroin or sex, they develop a tolerance to it. So soon, they aren't content with their own romantic moments, but now they have to find those in other people; and because the burnout rate of romance in a relationship is so high, the only way to get that fix is by making new couples with new puppy dog romance moments.

Couples don't often want to set people up to make the world a better place, they want to do it because they want their feel good juice. Because they want a pat on the back. Because nobody likes lonely people.

See, just like you crack a joke to break the tension or you pay somebody a compliment when they are feeling low--you are avoiding reality when you try to engineer a romance. Maybe it's so you can avoid the conflict between your single friends and your life in a relationship. Maybe it's because you don't want to feel "old" or different from your single friends. Because you still want to be cool.

You have to make your friends assimilate.

The new Spanish Inquisiation has nothing to do with God. The new Spanish Inquisition is all about pairing people up two by two like you are Noah. Leading your sheep into the ark so that everybody is "happy" and nobody is alone and sad. And you think you are doing the right thing by trying to hook everybody up with everybody else.

• Not everybody should be in a relationship.
• Most relationships are far from healthy.
• Cyclical nature of bad marriages is that they create broken-hearted children who then start more broken marriages.

Final Statement...

Think. That's all I'm asking you to do. Think. Are you really trying to do "what's right" or are you trying to fulfill some desire you have to see everybody be the same. Do you know what you are doing or are you haphazardly playing with people's hearts, dreams, and emotions hoping on a whim that you actually succeed in playing matchmaker?

So pull your head out and think.

And a final note to all of my single friends: stop being so bitchy.